American Idol Stinks

What if you had a reality show where nobody got kicked off

2007-04-27T01:21:52Z

Just when you thought it was safe to watch American Idol, the producers go for the gimmick. I was really set to write about how incredibly cool it was that the producers of American Idol decided to involve their franchise in very commendable charity work. And then there were two... not one of television's most suspenseful moments. This was one of television's most contrived gimmicks. Let's eavesdrop on the fictional planning meeting in the producer's lounge:

Producer 1: Houston, we have a problem. Producer 2: What problem? Producer 1: We want to do that charity episode thing. But, if we do, we'll have one more contestant left than we have shows. Producer 2: So, what's the problem? We'll just tell everyone up front that no one gets kicked off on charity night. Producer 1: But, if we do that, the millions of people who tune in just because of their voyeuristic sadism won't watch to see no one get kicked off. Producer 2: Good point. What should we do? Producer 1. I've got it! Let's lead our fans on to make them believe someone will get kicked off but then keep everyone until the next week. Producer 2: That's brilliant! I am so glad I thought of that! Producer 1: You thought of it...

So why am I complaining? It was contrived, predictable, cheesey ... exactly what we have come to expect from America's most narcissistic "reality" TV show. Now, I'm going to surprise you. American Idol, you raised $70 million for some of the neediest children in the world. Good job! For a change, that's exactly what Jesus would have wanted you to do with fame and notoriety he's allowed you to develop. If you'd like to learn more about a relationship with Jesus Christ, click here.]]>

Words I thought I'd never write: Lay off Simon!

2007-04-19T02:13:08Z

When I launched AmericanIdolSTINKS.com, I seriously considered how far I was willing to go to criticize what I believe to be the most self-absorbed waste of electrons on television. Would I be able to communicate my thoughts without coming across as mean? Would I be able to convince you that some of the people competing in a hugely popular national talent contest didn't deserve to be on the stage? Would I be able to watch the entire season of the show without becoming suicidal? One thing I never thought I would be doing is defending Simon Cowell. But ...]]>
Simon says means things
but not that mean
"I can't believe we're even having this conversation," I said as I explained to someone that Simon Cowell was not reacting to Chris Richardson's expression of support for the people of Virginia Tech and Blacksburg, Virginia, when he rolled his eyes and slapped his hand on the desk. Cowell appeared on Ryan Seacrest's morning show to explain. "I was saying to Paula, `What does he mean, he sang nasally on purpose? I didn't understand what he was saying.' So I hadn't even heard what he did. Then my eye rolled, given what I was saying to Paula," Cowell told Seacrest. The British record exec - who normally blows-off all media criticism of his snarky personality - seemed hurt by the suggestion that he had no compassion for the victims, survivors, families and others affected by the mass murders. "I did want to clear this one up because, you know, this is a very very sensitive subject. The irony is that we did want to try and set the right tone on the show. And then something like this happens, and it just starts fanning the flames," Cowell said. "And people need to understand, there are families involved. It's not right." And - as much as I enjoy bashing Simon for his rudeness - I've got something to say to those of you who jumped on Simon for this non-existent episode of sensitivity: You ought to be ashamed. This is a tactic that is typically reserved for politicians when the facts don't support their position. They misstate the positions of their opponent and then attack the mischaracterization. It's almost as bad as the question in the old lawyer joke: "Do you still beat your wife?" But, in defense of those who launched on Simon, I will have to say that he has done nothing to discourage the type of misinterpretation of his reaction that happened Tuesday night. Let's face it, the man is rude. And he's rude solely for the entertainment value of being rude to people who are not in a position to defend themselves. Think about it. When Simon rips the contestants apart, they know they can't defend themselves. Part of getting the support of Idol voters is responding to Simon's verbal attacks, no matter how unwarranted, with grace. If they told him off, which he often completely deserves, they would risk alienating their supporters. They have to "make nice," while Simon is "making mean." It's a pretty good example of that old philosophy of turning the other cheek. If you'd like to read about the ultimate example of someone who turned the other cheek when it really mattered, click here.

Can you say 'Pitchless in Los Angeles?'

2007-04-18T02:33:15Z

You have got to be kidding me! This is one time where Sanjaya's performance lived up to the title of his song choice. He has definitely given us several things to talk about: like pitch, pitch and pitch. Thankfully, even Paula was willing to tell Sanjaya that this was not his week!]]>
Sanjaya should trade the
bandana for a pitch pipe
I'll admit it, Phil rocked! But where was the black cowboy hat to go with that shirt? And thank goodness for Melinda. One word describes her voice no matter what style she is singing: Powerful! She stayed on key (no surprise there) and actually looked like she was enjoying the song. Simon offered: There was "a little bit of Tina Turner going on there." Mrs. AmericanIdolSTINKS.com says, "She'd better win this thing, that's all I've got to say!" But the rest of the performances were grade "B" karaoke, at best. And this highlights another flaw with the whole concept of American Idol. The show is based on the British program "Pop Idol." And everything about the concept, marketing and presentation of American Idol is about creating a "pop star." Yet the program moves through various musical styles, with which most of the performers are obviously uncomfortable. Now, if you're an optimist - which I am not - you could say that this gives each contestant a chance to showcase their talents in their best style. But after watching Simon give a fourth dimension to the scientific art of delivering insults, I'm not biting. I think the various "style shows" - but particularly country - are designed to showcase each artists' weaknesses, to expose their vocal Achilles' heels, if you will. In other words, this is about finding the worst in people and exploiting it, not about finding the best in people and encouraging it. I like the latter approach much better than the first. There's someone who perfected the ability to find the best in people and encouraging it. He also perfected the ability to point out people's flaws in a way that makes them want to change for the better. If you'd like to learn more about him, click here.

Has anyone else noticed that the wrong Malakar is on Idol?

2007-04-17T03:30:27Z

Searching around the Internet for new and intersting things related to American Idol to complain about, I ran across a link to the audition by Sanjaya Malakar's sister Shyamali Malaker... wrong Malakar kid?
Shyamali Malakar - kewego This just goes to prove my point that American Idol is not even about picking the most talented singer or performer in pop music. Obviously, choosing Sanjaya was for the "entertainment value" of having someone with, shall we call them "unique" attributes on the show. So the obsession with fame for fame's sake and the idolizing of pop music icons, real or imagined, is not even genuine. If you don't believe me, tune in Tuesday night at 8/7 Central to see Sanjaya butcher a country song. He'll probably do "I Wanna Be A Cowboy," or something similarly un-country. If you'd like to learn about someone who has done some really important things in human history and who actually deserves to be idolized, click here. P.S. My sincere condolences go out to those who lost loved ones in the Virginia Tech massacre today and my prayers are lifted for all of those who were affected. A former co-worker in the Washington, D.C. area lost a best friend to the shooter and a former fellow church member's friend was shot in the stomach and hand. When will this nation learn that you do not prevent problems by ignoring them or protect potential victims by disarming them? If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google "Virginia House Bill 1572." If only...]]>

Sex Sells; well maybe not on American Idol

2007-04-11T03:09:36Z

It had to happen eventually. Simon Cowell and I actually agree on one of his negative comments. Haley Scarnato gambled on impressing AI voters with her body instead of her voice and presentation Tuesday night. That gamble probably cost her her slot on the show.
Haley wears short shorts
Simon put it this way: "I think you have a very good tactic, at the moment, Haley: Wear as least amount of clothes as possible. Because ... look, and I'll be honest with you, you can't do well in this competition based on your voice because there are much better singers. So all you can do is ... it's true ... so, all you can do is have fun." As you know, Haley has long, flowing, thick brunette hair, vibrant facial expressions, soulful eyes and a smile that can melt your heart. So, why would someone with enough talent to get into the Final 8 and so much natural beauty feel that she had to "slut things up" to compete? This gets to the heart of why I think American Idol STINKS: The show so often emphasizes all of the wrong attributes about people. The best (worst?) examples are the audition episodes, which seem to exist only to humiliate contestants whose family members obviously can't stand them, otherwise they would never let their loves ones audition for a national talent competition. Those episodes also seem to be geared toward letting Simon get as much of his meanness as possible out of his system before the Final 24 begins, and pushing the limits of Paula's syrup-laden ability to criticize without being critical. But, throughout the season, AI pushes the contestants - at least the ones who fit into society's Barbie and Ken concept of what's "beautiful" - to be more sexual. Where does that leave someone who most people would not consider "hot," but who has an awesome voice? What does it mean for someone like Haley who has a good voice, but whose vocals aren't setting the world on fire? It means she ends up on stage in a see-through top and a pair of short shorts that probably cover less of her body than her pajamas. Episodes like this are why AmericanIdolSTINKS.com exists - to point to someone who actually possesses the atributes we all should idolize. Read more about him here.]]>